The Final Fifty

So, now that Valentine’s Day has passed, and I have made and helped consume a big batch of ridiculously good mint oreo (well, Newman-O) truffles, it’s time to put down the chocolate and give up sugar again.

I’m doing what I did last time, which is giving myself more freedom on the calorie front for the first week or so, so that if I encounter a week moment and sugar, I can take another option if it’s available. Tuesday was supposed to be day one, but I was seduced into eating one last truffle since there were still a few left at boyfriend’s place.

So, that makes today Day 1. It’s going ok, I had a huge apple this morning, and a strawberry at lunch time (I wasn’t trying to be good, there was just only one strawberry left, or I’d have eaten a pile of them… but they’re only about 5 calories each, so that’s not a bad thing.) I just finished having a salad (spring mix with spinach, goat cheese, slivered almonds, craisins and mango balsamic vinegar) and some pan fried veggies (carrots and broccoli), and now I’m trying this Chocolate flavored Green Superfood stuff.

I decided to try it with just water at first, because I figured if I can drink it this way, I can save myself calories on the days where I eat more. It’s not bad at all, and I think it’s stroking the same parts of my taste buds that chocolate candy does, but it has only 30 calories, and none of it’s from sugar. So I consider this a win. I want to try it with half milk/half water, because I think that would make it a bit better, but it really isn’t bad with just water. I also expect it will taste a lot better once the sugar cravings go away and my taste buds readjust again.


I’ve hit a sort of interesting point when it comes to my activities. It’s sort of been sneaking up on me for a bit, I guess, but it really became apparent this week, as running has really started to become a thing for me.

The first time I noticed it was when I first started to work dance in regularly. There were three kinds of dance I was mainly interested in (ballet, tap and belly dance), and, wanting to work each one in twice a week, I started dancing six days a week. It was a great thing for me, and I might’ve continued on that way for some time were it not for rehearsals and other commitments. But the noteworthy thing, for this post anyway, was that I was focused more on the activity itself than I was on the necessity of getting enough exercise. The dancing was more important than the calories burned.

What’s happening now is sort of the same thing. There are so many activities that I want to work into my schedule that it’s becoming less of a “must be active enough” thing and more of a “argh, when can I squeeze in _______” thing. This means that I might not have time for proper rest days, except when I have rehearsals with no choreography component and am therefor too booked up to squeeze anything else into.

I’m not quite sure what that is going to be like, though I’m starting to get a bit of a taste of it this week. Yesterday was the only day I could really do ballet, so I did that. I also wanted to test out the new bike seat, so I took it on a short spin before walking down to dinner with DBF. I didn’t have much down time, but I’m sort of not very tired anyway. Today I didn’t make it to my proper belly dance class, so I did belly dance at home. We have a baby shower to go to in a bit, and I’m hoping to get home early enough to get my run in later on. Tomorrow will be grocery shopping followed by a long dance rehearsal (which might actually kill me, based on last weeks dance rehearsal.)

Don’t get me wrong, I still have the lazy voice in my head saying “maybe I don’t need to do this today”, but then the other voice chimes in with “if you don’t do it now, when are you going to fit it in?” And that argument usually shakes out with me getting off my butt to go do whatever thing is on my agenda. I still have no clue when I’m going to work in weights when I can actually do weights again (which might be very soon.) I have this vaguely-doomish feeling that it’s going to end up being on my “rest days”, lol.

What I need to be careful of here is that I’m still getting enough rest. I can’t do weights on the same muscle groups on consecutive days without both risking injury and stymying my own progress, and I’m going to have to be a big meany head with myself about getting to bed by 10 every night so that I can make sure I’m getting enough sleep. I think if I can manage those two things, along with continuing to eat right and get plenty of water, I’ll be ok. At any rate, I think the number one thing I need to do is listen to my body and be willing to let some things go if it tells me I need to relax more.

So far, that hasn’t been happening, and I’m getting to the point where I’m feeling less and less comfortable with just sitting on the couch. After a little while, I start to feel myself getting stiffer and stiffer, whereas moving around keeps me feeling more mobile and limber.

Last night we went out for seafood, and I got maple ginger salmon with roasted cauliflower. It was awesome, and because if the lack of a starchy side, and the relatively low calories in salmon, it’s been one of the few times I could sit down and eat an entire entree without blowing past my calorie limit. The salmon was very good and tender. It still has a slightly fishy taste, which I am still getting used to, but I liked it well enough anyway. Not everything is an instant favorite, but I find that I can learn to like most everything if I keep giving it a good shot and try preparing it in different ways.

Also, it took me almost the entire week to recover from last weeks weigh in, but I’m finally starting to feel better about my body and my improvements in diet and health again. Getting my caloric intake back under control was a big part of it, but the activities I’ve been doing are helping, too. It’s pretty hard to feel decidedly bad about yourself when you are steadily improving at things you never thought you would be physically capable of doing.

Yesterday was tough. The morning was lovely, with a bit of Doctor Who and lazing about in bed with the sunshine streaming in through the windows. I’d packed a bag of provisions and gotten all my stuff together Saturday evening, so I basically only had to get myself sorted and ready to go.

Tech started at 11:00 am, so I had cereal for breakfast and headed out to the theater. This was a good tech, meaning that it didn’t quite stretch into the wee hours of the morning, and lasted just a bit over 12 hours. It’s not very labor intensive for the cast, but there’s a lot of back and forth, and a LOT of hurry up and wait.

I had food temptation today like I haven’t had in a long time, but I was not terribly surprised by it. First it was the humongous bacon sandwich our Stage Manager had. It’s not against the rules, but that would probably take up quite a bit of my calories for the day. I was thinking of ways I could have me a bacon sammich without blowing my calorie load: The thin sandwich rounds of bread (which are not GF, but once in a while wouldn’t hurt), fresh kale and tomato, bacon, and avocado (so I wouldn’t need mayo or anything like that.) I might have to make those when my family is here. I know my mother and sister would especially love them.

The second was the huge towers of pizza brought in by one of our very, very generous sponsors. They came from a really good local restaurant, accompanied by boxes of fresh baked chocolate chip cookies. These are the kind of pizzas where you can see the outline of fresh mozzarella slices on the pie, with fresh herbs, and a beautiful crust.


But in the end, I stuck to my guns and ate the food I brought with me: curry and quinoa, snap peas, edamame, banana, cottage cheese with almonds and craisins, these homemade healthy cookies, and pixie tangerines. And I didn’t go over my calorie limit, either. Actually, by the end of the night I felt like I’d eaten a bit too much, fullness wise. Calorie wise, I came in just under my target, which is why I kept eating, because eating too little is not a habit I want to get into, especially not when I will be totally physically taxed this week.



Tomorrow is Free Cone Day at Ben & Jerry’s, which will be a hard one to pass up on. I’ll probably try to suss out how many calories and how much sugar is contained in one of their frozen yogurt cones and then decide from there whether or not I want to go there, but right now I’m leaning toward no. It’s not that I won’t ever be a bit extravagant, it’s that there are times coming up (like when my family visits) when I know I’m going to want to, and those times are more important than this time.

The cognitive dissonance is increasing for me, lately. I’m getting more and more notice from others regarding my weight loss, and there are little things that are so different with my body, but I still don’t feel it in my brain. I’ve read somewhere that the average woman in the US is a size 14, which means I am now smaller than the average woman. The way my legs fit together is new and foreign to me. The way I look when I pass mirrors is unfamiliar, like I’m seeing a different person than the one who lives in my brain.

I still have a ways to go, but I’m getting there. The top of the BMI healthy range for my height is 163 pounds. I am 15 pounds away from that right now, which is the amount of weight I’ve lost over the last few months, so I’m half way to that goal post. Part of me wishes I could just wake up and have it all be done right now, and the other half of me feels so disoriented already that I know I need the intervening time to figure out whatever it is inside me that is so distorted in it’s view.

I finished reading Stranger Here, and I’m still digesting it, really. So many parts of it hit home with me, even though my journey is different than her’s was. It was such a worthwhile read, and I would still feel that way if it had been twice the price. I would recommend it to absolutely anyone out there who has ever struggled with their body, and especially anyone considering weight loss surgery.

For me, it’s been easy to reject the idea of having weight loss surgery, first because there’s no way I could ever have afford it, second because the idea of having surgery scares the hell out of me, but finally, because I have lost weight any time I’ve chosen to make changes in either caloric output or caloric input and actually stuck to it. That is true for most people, but not for everyone. Some people try and try and the weight doesn’t come off, and I’m glad there’s an option there for them to seek.

Weekend weigh in results: down 2 lbs and thats about it. No inches lost. I plod onward.

{April 4, 2013}   Still Pushing

Yesterday was weight day, but things didn’t go quite as I’d hoped. I wanted to do four full circuits like I did on Monday, but my body let me know in no uncertain terms that that was not happening.

It started with my wrist, which started bothering me towards the end of my first ladder of wall push ups. Fair enough, that’s the one part of my body that I will not push through pain with, so I stopped with the wall push ups and kept working both lunges and squats, but I switched to crunches to break up the leg abuse a bit. By the end of the third circuit, I was getting small pains in my knees/shins and in my ankles. These were not muscle fatigue, they felt more joint related, so I did as many as I could and then stopped at the end of the third circuit.

Still, despite all that, and despite my pretty monumental tiredness at this point, I got most of it done and didn’t just skip the whole damn thing. I still don’t have the muscle soreness, but with the show coming up and all, I’m not going to worry about it. Also, I don’t think avoiding injury is a failing. Injuries are expensive, and they lead to months where you have to not use something so it can heal.


After that, I pan fried up some broccoli, drowned it in curry sauce, and had myself a huge bowl of dinner. It was seriously gigantic. Unfortunately I didn’t log it until I was already at rehearsal, and found that I ate only a little over 1000 calories yesterday. I didn’t have anything with me to bring it up where it should be, and I didn’t want to eat anything when I got home because it was so late and I was ready to sleep, but I think I’ll start keeping food in my bag sooner rather than later to prevent that from happening again. I wasn’t hungry at all, and I really though I’d eaten plenty, but apparently that’s a thing I need to watch out for.

Yesterday, Easter Sunday, we had rehearsal in the big theater for the second time. It’s a glorious place, but it is, unfortunately, the driest place ever to exist on Earth. I can’t be in there for more than an hour without getting a headache, at least the first few times before each show. I don’t know what changes, maybe it finally sinks in that I have to drink gallons of water BEFORE I get there, not just during, but hopefully it’ll get better this time like it did for Rent.

Yesterday, one of the other cast members brought a basket of candy-filled Easter eggs in for everyone, and I noticed that some of them contain my kryptonite, the Cadbury mini eggs. I didn’t take any, but I did feel a pang and start to think “well, one wouldn’t be a great tragedy.” And maybe I could eat only one of them, it wouldn’t be the most shocking thing ever. But maybe I wouldn’t stop at one, and I didn’t want to take the risk. Part of me wonders if they would even taste good to me now, but again, it’s a box I’m not ready to open just yet. If I can make it to a year sans sugar, it might be a different story, but at the beginning of 2 weeks of craziness, it’s just not a safe experiment to have.

It helped to see that most of the adults didn’t take any, and also that I had a banana with me. It tasted nice and sweet without the side order of guilt I probably would have felt afterward. Not guilt because of anything external at all, but guilt at letting myself down, because I’ve worked so hard to make myself healthier, and now is not a good time to test myself.

I’m pretty much at the “oh shit, my free time is GONE” moment, which is bad, because I haven’t stocked up enough food. I need to make curry soup this week some time so that I can have a bunch of meals frozen, and I also need to pack up some cottage cheese cups and grab some other things to take to the theater with me for when attacks of the munchies happen. I’m trying to shift my thinking so that I learn to view this as an opportunity to learn new snacking habits. I need to walk up to the co op at some point this week and look at the snack food there, because I know there are healthy things I can choose, things I haven’t tried before, and that will help.

Friday I got to try edamame, which I loved, so that would be a good option. My mom also said she tried something with freeze-dried corn that tasted like candy, so I can check and see if there’s something like that there. Plus they have stuff in the bulk section, like dried banana slices and other dehydrated fruit, plus nuts and other stuff. There are also kale chips, which I’ve been wanting to try anyway. Even just typing this stuff out is helping, so I know it’s just a mental game I have to keep playing with myself. The co op is 2 blocks from the theater, and they also have a prepared food section with cooked stuff, so I can even go there if I want something hot, and I know they’ll have stuff I’ve never tried before. I can totally do this.

I did something kind of silly this afternoon, and I ordered this skirt. In a size medium. I’m shrinking into a size 12 now (I might be there, but I haven’t had a chance to test the theory just yet.) The medium says it’s for size 8-10, so I know it probably won’t fit when it gets here. My thinking is that by the time it really gets to be summer, it will fit. At $10, itt’s not an expensive gamble or anything, but this hearkens back so many memories of times when my grandmother would buy me clothes that were too small because “they would fit me when I lost weight.” It was a near constant thing with her, and she was the most persistent and obnoxious of the people who always told me I wasn’t good enough because I was fat (no matter how nicely they said it.)

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I haven’t often bought “goal clothes” myself, and now that I reflect on it, it’s only been twice so far: the pair of jeans that is now languishing on the floor because they are too big and keep falling off, and the little black dress I got at a thrift store that now fits ok and which I’ve started wearing again. So this might not be the big doomed-to-failure purchase I’m making it out to be in my head, but as long as I’m airing my damage, I’ll include the irrational with the rational. And just to make sure I’m airing it all out and really exorcising it, I’m going to post about it when it gets here, and then post picture of me wearing it once it finally fits.

My veggie list is getting longer, and the ones I will actively seek out is getting more extensive as I learn to cook them in more appealing ways:


Really, asparagus should be starred, too, because I go back to that one a lot. I might try pan-frying it to see how it turns out. I’m sure I can find better things to do with carrots, too, they’re just a challenge because DBF doesn’t like them cooked, and I don’t like big carrots raw (though I’ll totally snarf down baby carrots when they’re offered.) I saw a documentary the other day that suggested people should just start adding healthy things in, and eventually the healthy things would crowd out the unhealthy things? That is totally happening for me, and I couldn’t be happier about it. It’s kind of amazing how much easier it is to be satisfied with real food than with the stuff that was slowly killing me.

{March 31, 2013}   Fish Update, Weigh In Results

Dinner last night turned out really well, which is awesome, because I’ve never cooked fish or quinoa before, and even the broccoli was a different cooking method, so it was all a bit experimental. I put a tiny bit more cheese than was called for, but I also had 50% more fish than the recipe called for, so I figured it was ok. It didn’t overload the fish, but there was a lot of oil in the pan when the fish was done. Still, it didn’t taste heavy at all, and was very tender and perfectly cook, so I call that a great success.

The quinoa I cooked just like rice, by tossing it in some water with a vegetable bouillon cube, brought it to a boil, then reduced to a simmer until all the liquid was absorbed. It tasted pretty much just like rice, and the bouillon gave it a good flavor. I made a bed of it on each plate and lay the fish fillet on top, which worked really well.

The broccoli I decided to try in a similar fashion to what I did with the Brussels sprouts the other night, though I found a specific recipe for pan fried broccoli. I skipped the bit with the stems, just for the sake of time, so I just heat up a tablespoon of olive oil in my cast iron skillet, then tossed the broccoli in and tossed it around some to coat it with the oil. I let it cook for a few minutes, until some of the cut sides started to brown just a little, then I tipped in some water with salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes and put the lid on. It steamed for a few minutes, then I removed the lid, and it was a bright, livid shade of green.


Once it was cooked so beautifully, I sprinkled on some parmesan cheese and turned off the heat. I used parmesan because it was the same as what I was already used on the fish, so I figured it was better to stick with the one kind of cheese. I liked the flavor combination, though I imagine other cheeses would taste just as good. It really took just a little cheese to enhance the flavor of the broccoli. I think with this method, I can easily work in broccoli much more often than I’d previously thought to.


I ended up liking everything a lot, and the whole meal got rave reviews!


We also had the smoked salmon while dinner was cooking, and I ended up liking that a lot as well. It was a locally made thing, though it was made with wild caught Alaskan salmon. We had it with Triscuits, which was a good pairing.

I weighed and measured this weekend, and I’ve lost another pound, with an inch taken off my hips, and half an inch off my waist. My waist/hip ratio has gone up slightly, but I’m still in the same range, so I’m not going to worry about it too much. My waist is under 35″ for the first time, and my body fat percentage is down to 27.02%, so I am within striking distance of a “short term” goal I set some months back to get it below 27%. I set three goals at that time, the second being to get my waist below 35″, which I’ve done, and the third to get my weight to 175 or below, and I’ve probably got at least a few weeks left on that one. It’ll be really nice to cross all three of them off, once I get there.

I tried the other recipe for Brussels sprouts the other night, and they were fantastic! They were nice and crisp and tender, and even though I only added a little sprinkling of cheese, it tasted indulgent. I am so excited, because not only did DBF try them and like them, but I can officially put them in the “veggies I am excited about” category instead of the “I’ll eat it, but it’s not my favorite” category.

Yesterday, I was not very successful at all in terms of exercise. I didn’t dance or do weights, but we did a bit of walking going to our friends’ place and back again for movie night. Also! They had edamame out to snack on, so I tried it, and I loved it! Now I know what to get for my own parties and to take with me to others’. I also might have to look into recipes using edamame.

So today I got up, did 30 minutes of belly dance drills, and then three full circuits of my weights routine. Not such a big load of stuff, but it satisfied me that I’m not being too terribly lazy. The thing I love most about the calorie restriction is that, if I’m beat down tired, I don’t have to exercise every day and I can still lose weight. I am finally making progress on my lunges, which are the toughest one for me. Also, my friend has some 10 lb. dumbbells she said I can borrow if she can find them.

Today I also went to the farmer’s market with one of my friends. It’s only a mile or so away, and now that it’s getting to be warm and lovely out, we decided to walk. I had a veggie samosa there for lunch, which was delicious, and I picked up some locally grown carrots and sweet potatoes, as well as some smoked salmon. I’ve never had smoked salmon before, and this is really the first time I’ve set out to try fish, but we got to sample it, so I went ahead and picked some up. It tastes pretty good, though it’s not a flavor or texture I’m used to just yet.

On the way out of the farmer’s market, we stopped at a booth hosted by nursing students from the local med school for a free blood pressure screening. I have never yet had trouble with my blood pressure, but high blood pressure does run in my family. That’s part of the reason I’ve always paid attention to it; my mother’s blood pressure is high, so I try to keep aware of how I’m doing. Mine is currently 114/64, which is even lower than it’s usually been, so that was reassuring to me about my health with the new eating habits and exercise.

Also, it was great to be able to have my blood pressure tested with a normal sized cuff. At my heaviest, when I was in college, they would have to get out the larger cuff to test me. Now, I can be tested comfortably with a normal cuff.

After the farmer’s market, we walked up to the Co-op and bought the rest of the stuff for dinner, and I picked up some other things as well. I’m all set to make Parmesan-Crusted Tilapia, Pan-Fried Broccoli (basically, similar to the Brussels sprouts from the other night, but with broccoli), and Quinoa.

Once all that was done, I called my mom to make the travel reservations for her and my family to come visit. Turns out she wasn’t ready to book just yet, so that part will get done tomorrow, but we talked about the eating part of things. I was hoping that, since we’re looking into suites, one of which offers a full and equipped kitchen, that I might be able to just make dinner most nights. In addition to the satisfaction I get from cooking for my family, this would also enable me to make sure that my eating doesn’t get totally out of control while they’re here.

She marveled a bit over how much my diet has changed, and reminded me that restricting myself too much isn’t good. I’ve thought about it a bit since we hung up, though, and I don’t feel restricted. It isn’t that I’m so worried about maybe not losing weight that week or whatever, but I don’t want to derail my new habits so much that it takes a long time for me to recover. I’ll find ways to compromise a bit so we can go places they want to eat, but I still just wish I could cook dinner every night.

In my continuing efforts to not spend myself into utter financial ruin, last night I dug through my shoes to see if there were any fun ones that I could now wear again in order to satisfy my need for stompy, tall shoes. Fortunately, there are a couple pairs that I think will do for at least a little bit. Unfortunately, after trying on a bunch of shoes, I find there are some that are just too big on me now, and I have to say goodbye to them.

This is happening, wardrobe wide, unsurprisingly. It would all be so much more fun if I could afford to go out and replace things with decent clothes, but right now, that’s not an option for me. It’s not like the stuff I have to let go of was expensive, designer stuff or anything, but I really don’t want to go buy a bunch of clothes that I am going to shrink out of again in a few months. I don’t know that I’ll be able to really make it to my goal without buying anything, but I might have to make due with a lot less until I get there. The first thing I need to get, though, is a belt, or I’m going to end up going all wardrobe malfunction at some point.

As part of my ongoing efforts to be mentally and emotionally invested in all points regarding my health and my body image, I’ve been looking at clothes online, trying to edit the way I think about clothing. My “fashion sense”, if you can call it that, has basically been informed by questions like: a) will it make me look pregnant? b) will it make me look heavier? c) will it cling in any of my “problem areas”? I’m realizing now how far down the list I have to go before I get to “do I like this?” I don’t anticipate my body will ever been such that I don’t have to consider whether or not it will look good on me, but maybe there will come a day when I don’t automatically dismiss such a wide range of things as “things that I can’t wear.”

I’m sure I will always be a t-shirt and jeans sort of girl, because I honestly don’t tend to have the time or inclination to tart myself up all the time. I can get really enthusiastic about it for maybe a week or so, but inevitably I end up going back to what is easy and comfortable. But there are still a lot of cute clothes out there that are easy and comfortable, and I’ve managed to work a few dresses and skirts in over the last couple of years, so maybe I’ll branch out even more once buying clothes isn’t the soul-crushing experience it has so often been for me in the past.

I’m going to give Brussels sprouts another go today with this recipe. I liked them ok last time, so it’s not that this is their last chance or anything, but we happen to have some cheese left from when I made the cauliflower-crust pizza, so I thought I’d give it a go in the cast iron pan and see if I like it even better. I don’t know if DBF will try them or not, but I need to use them up either way, and cheese never made a food worse.

I have tonight off from rehearsal, which feels really damned luxurious at this point. We have plans to watch a movie with friends, but I am hoping to dance and maybe do some weights before we leave for their place. Maybe a bit ambitious, but I don’t know if I’m going to make it to dance tomorrow or not, so I don’t want to get caught up in the down time and get lazy. If nothing else, their place is about 1.5 miles away, so I’ll get a good walk in at least.

Also, Jen Larsen’s book, Stranger Here, has arrived! I haven’t finished the other books I’m reading, but that’s never stopped me before.

At some point over the last few months, I’ve realized a few things about my feet.

First of all, even though for YEARS I haven’t been able to wear anything that even came close to constricting my toes, this seems to be getting better for me. I don’t know if that’s an indication that (what I assumed was) nerve damage is actually improving or not, but it’s kind of exciting. Between this and losing weight, I’ve also discovered that my size is now smaller than before. I’ve been going between a 9.5 and a 10.5 for years. I’m not pretty consistently a 9, with some brands running a bit smaller, where I *might* need a 9.5. Maybe.

I also realized recently that my feet are strong enough to wear heels again. Not just kitten heels either. I’m not going to put on a 5″ heel or anything, but a 3″ heel no longer feels like inviting most certain disaster.

The end result of this is that I find myself lusting after shoes I haven’t been able to wear in approximately. So far I’ve resisted for financial reasons, and I need to continue to resist. But I don’t want to. Pout.

Last night I roasted up some Brussels sprouts, and gave them a whirl for the first time. I liked them well enough, though they’re not my favorite. I’m not sure I prepped them right, because the outside leaves were kind of tough, while the insides were lovely and tender and moist, so I think I need to do a bit more research and figure out how to make them right.

I know that I could learn to cook things with a sauce to make them more palatable, and I might get into that eventually, but for the moment I am trying to develop a taste for things as they are, so that hopefully I can learn to eat them without too many extra calories or too much fuss.

And so far, most vegetables fall into “things I actually enjoy eating” or “things I can get down and will get used to eating”. The only thing that I suspect I can’t eat at all is spinach, and I think I want to give that one more go before I total write it off, because it’s been more than a year since I tried it, and because my tastes have changed quite a bit since then, so maybe it’ll taste better to me now.

I’m getting to a point now where my excitement about veggies is starting to wane. Not that I don’t want to eat them, but as I’ve tried more and more things and worked them in, it’s not as big of a novelty as it once was. I’m still not having cravings for the things I’ve given up, though, so I think this is just the inevitable evening-off point where the new food becomes just the food I regularly eat. It’s becoming habit, and habit is rarely always exciting.

It probably also has something to do with how busy I’ve been, because that means I don’t have as much time to spend finding new recipes to make that utilize foods that are new to me. This weekend, though, the plan is to have friends over, and to make some tilapia so that I can start trying to work fish into my diet. Maybe that will start off a new stage of excitement. I hope so, it would be helpful to keep the thrill going for another few months, if I can.

I’ve gotten to the point with weights that I need to either start adding additional circuit repeats, or increase the weight. I’ve started slowing down and really working on mastering good form with everything, and it definitely ups the difficulty substantially, but I’m not getting the muscle soreness the day after like I used to, so I think that in order to feel that challenge, I need to up the ante a bit. I’m hoping to pick up some 8 or 10 lb dumbbells soon so that I can start going a bit heavier. Still, the lunges are kicking my butt, and I think I’ll stick with the 5 lb dumbbells for that for a while.

Also, herald the trumpets, but it finally seems to be warming up around here, and the sun has been out, and I cannot freaking wait to go outside with no jacket and feel the sun on my skin. I want to walk everywhere without worrying about slipping and falling and dying. I want to be able to feel my feet consistently, lol.

I also can’t wait for the farmers market to move outdoors, and to be open every week. Oh, the veggies I shall eat! OMNOMNOMNOM

Tonight for dinner I made this Cauliflower Crust Pizza. I think this recipe works best for people who are having trouble giving up pizza. It doesn’t interfere with the taste of the cheese and sauce, and if you season it well, it tastes pretty good. Be prepared to eat it with a fork at least, because it doesn’t have the strength or structural integrity of a traditional crust, but it does make a passable base for pizza.

I’ve never been much of a pizza junky, myself. For me, the main attraction of pizza was the convenience of it. So mostly, it was okay, but I found myself wishing I’d just roasted the cauliflower and poured curry sauce all over it. Addicted? Me? Never!

I got a new DVD the other day, Drills! Drills! Drills! by Michelle Joyce. I was only able to do half of it because my rehearsal time changed at the last minute and I had to run out a few hours earlier than expected. The video starts with glute work, and man, my ass is so sore today. I am optimistic that that means it will reshape my body if I keep doing it, but right now I’m limping around like I’m 80 years old.

Add to that more belly dance this morning in class, and I’m kind of in sorry shape. Another week, mostly successful, and full of mental growth, even through hideous amounts of stress. Tomorrow I check in with the scale and the measuring tape. It’s getting to the point where the numbers are meaning less, and just doing it is meaning more and more. Maybe this is how I get healthy.

et cetera