The Final Fifty











{April 5, 2013}   Pan Fried Veggies, an Epic Day Off, and Body Image Rears Its Ugly Head

I’ve come to the decision that pan frying veggies is my favorite way to prepare most of them. I have tried it so far with broccoli, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts, and it is fast and easy, and they come out perfectly pretty much every time.

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How to Pan Fry Veggies:

  1. Cut up the veggies however you like. The smaller the are, the better they will cook, but you don’t want them shredded. I usually cut broccoli in halves or thirds, same for Brussels sprouts and cauliflower.
  2. Rinse the veggies well under cool water.
  3. Heat up a tablespoon or so of olive oil in the bottom of a skillet or frying pan over medium-high heat. My favorite to use is a cast iron skillet, but I figure a regular frying pan would work well enough.
  4. Once the oil is hot, toss the veggies in. For Brussels sprouts, I place them cut side down and leave them. For broccoli and cauliflower, I toss them in and then stir them around to coat in the olive oil, then toss gently to move them around while they fry.
  5. While the veggies cook for 2-3 minutes, dissolve salt in 3-5 tbsp of water. Add some pepper and any other seasonings you like. I usually throw in some red pepper flakes (qu’elle surprise?!?)
  6. Once the veggies have fried for 2-3 minutes, pour in the water and put a lid on the pan. Let the veggies steam like this for another 2 minutes.
  7. Remove lid and turn of heat. Let some of the steam escape. At this point, you can add more seasoning, or sprinkle a little bit of cheese over the veggies and let it melt. I often sprinkle in curry powder, or use parmesan cheese if I want a more mild, creamy addition.

That’s it! So tasty, though.

Miraculously, the director is so pleased with where we are in the show, he cancelled tonights rehearsal. I feel almost luxurious thinking about all the time I will have free tonight to do laundry and relax. Laundry is not relaxing, but not having to fit it in tomorrow will be really nice (unless I decide to bake tonight and do laundry tomorrow… which I just might.)

I’ve been struggling this week with my body image. I know that I am smaller, and still losing size. The numbers bear that out, and people keep commenting on how well I’m doing (they all know I’m working at it, so I’m not as annoyed by it as I might be otherwise.) But I can’t see the difference with my own eyes. I can see that things no longer fit, but when I look at my body in the mirror, or glance at my limbs, or look down at my lap, it all looks the same, and it’s such bullshit. It feels so cruel that everyone seems to see it except me.

I still haven’t had the urge to eat shitty food, at least, and I still feel healthier than I ever have, and I still feel accomplished every time I eat a bowl of vegetables smothered in more vegetables for dinner. But I can’t see the change as it translates in my physical form. It really bothers me to think that I might always feel that way. I hope that there will come a time when I am satisfied with my body.

I just wish that someone could promise me that I can get there, mentally. I am being totally stubborn about making sure that I eat enough food, so I’m not sliding into physically dangerous territory, but if I could just know that this journey would improve me mentally instead of just physically, I would feel a whole lot better about the whole thing. I’m not doing this to look better for other people. I’m doing this to be healthier, and to be better for myself.

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